Cuties Gallore!

GOAL: To go on gimmicks and trippings with any person not close to me from the music scene.

Before anything else, I would like to write about all the people I'm not close with in the scene where I am in. Since it's a male-dominated scene (I think we are the only the all-girl band in the scene), let me list all my prospects, how I perceive them, and my level of relationship with them. It took a long time for me to choose among them, that's why I want to show you my level of friendship with them.

target #1: Paloi - he's a great guy, we're very good friends, we text each other sometimes, but we only show the first and second layer of our onions, and they're not complete.

target #2: Migz - We were introduced many times already since the other year, we just didn't take time to really notice until last December when he complimented me after we played at this gig. I kinda' developed a crush on him before but it faded so quickly.hehehe

target #3: Jade - My latest crush! Like Migz, we were introduced many times since the other year. It was last week when that same friend who introduced us before introduced us again. During the last introduction, before I could say hi to him to indicate "nice to meet you", I told my friend that we were already introduced many times. He supported me bay saying to my friend "bitaw". Anyway, during that time, I still didn't have a crush on him.

Obviously, If I choose among these 3 prospects, Paloi would be perfect para "wala'y libog". I mean, I am comfortable with him even though we only say "hi" or perform a particular handshake upon seeing each other, but I think there would be no challenge in him, so in the end, I decided that I choose between Jade and Migz. I chose Jade in the end because he's the one I really like at the moment, he's doesn't have the "rakstarr" attitude, and he's not-so-known unlike Migz. Migz is actually sort-of a heartthrob. Oh, but during this time, I was open to changes of my prospect. I told myself that it would depend on the situation that Friday night.

That Friday and Saturday, there was a gig, and I know these 3 would be present, so I went to the Friday gig even though we we're assigned to the Saturday line-up. Actually, I know that they'll also be present during the Saturday, but as you said, it would be better that we see the person more often.

When I saw Paloi, well, there wasn't akwardness because as I said, we were comfortable in talking and saying "hi" to one another even though we're not close. When I saw Migz, I felt shy, but it was nice for him to say "hi" to me first. Ok, so I saw Jade. We just smiled to each other.hehehe I'm really shy. Well, that Friday was a bit of a waste because I wasn't able to start my assignment. My mom fetched me so early. Grrr! She told me that it would still be on the next day when we will play, and that I needed rest.

After that, I reflected about this assignment. If Jade was really the one I wanted for the target. Well, of course, he was! I have a crush on him eh, but...I knew I can't do it so I decided that I would settle on Paloi.

During Night 2 (Saturday), I informed Paloi right away about this assignment. Well, at first, he didn't understand, but good thing he cooperated in the end. I wasn't able to apply all my strategies to Paloi because we are already good friends although we're not that close. Anyway, my goal is just to go on gimmicks or any trippings with him. I even told him that he wasn't really the one who I really wanted to approach.hehehe

Anyway, the assignment worked with Paloi. In the 2nd week of February, an indie event organizer asked 10 bands from Davao including my band, Paloi's and even Jade's and Migz's to play in Panabo. Paloi and I, together with our bandmates agreed that we would go there together. So, mission accomplished!- but I'm still hoping I can apply the strategies I wrote through Jade. Maybe do it on the Panabo gig! Hehehe If I have time, I'll share it with you-if ever I do it.Ü

My Friendship with Palmwheel (Social Penetration Theory)

May 2, 2006 - It was the first time when I got to meet the Glueclay (an all-girl band) peeps. We already know each other before, but we were not friends. We were introduced by a close friend of mine. We had a lot of things in common- and we shared a lot of stuffs we know about the band scene. We exchanged numbers, and texted each other after the gig. Two weeks after, they asked me to be in a band- a different band because Glueclay just disbanded..of course I said yes!

In May 13, 2006, Palmwheel was formed. Our first practice together was great. It's just that we were still a bit shy and uncomfortable with each other. Yet, we learned more about each other. I found out that Darling (guitarist) already have 2 children with the same father. Then, we found out where we go to school, where we live, etc.

We kept on practicing and had some bonding, and slowly, we got to know each other more, but still there were exemptions. At some point, Angel and I were a bit well not really hesitatnt to be with the other 3 very much because they share the same set of barkada, and sometimes, we can't relate to some of the things they share. Well, of course we just let it be because they have been friends since high school and we just like met them for months and we don't really get to be with them often.

Then, Angel had to leave the group and we were left as a foursome. Everything else was the same, I got to know them more, but if not because of our first Panabo gig, I won't really get to be very close to them. I truly enjoyed the weekend where I only spent with them. I really found out more about them and some of their friends. After that weekend, I became a member of their barkada.

As days have past and we are still very active as a band, we see each other not only for practices, gigs, or meetings, but also just for pure bond and pleasure. I got to share to them the deeper layer of my onion, and now, we can never be more than close because we already are...Ü

A Polygraph Test on Interpersonal Deception Theory

1. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to say something not completely true “to avoid hurting or offending another person, to emphasize their best qualities, to avoid getting into a conflict, or to speed up or slow down a relationship”? How did that experience affect your relationship with the other person?

Yes, I have been in that situation. I am not a very frank person, so at times, I really get stuck in a situation like that and i always have no choice, but it actually depends on the person. If I am very close to that person that I have been with him/her for years, I may be very frank with him/her, but at times, it also depends on the situation. What if he's really depressed and saying something true may lower down his/her self-esteem? It will take time for me to tell him/her the truth if he/she is close to me, well if there is really a need to tell him/her when time comes. If I am very close to that person, I think my relationship with him/her will not really change. In my experience before, I wasn't really able to tell my friend the truth, but our relationship wasn't affected because we didn't really deal on a serious situation. If ever I get into a serious situation and I don't tell the truth, I think my relationship with that someone won't change, it will just my perception or my conscience that will bother me, and if ever I tell him/her after awhile, I know that he/she will get disappointed because I kinda' lied to him/her. I think our relationship won't be the same again, except if I promise that I'll be very honest to him/her next time and if i will really do what i promised.

2. Do you find yourself making such statements in all your interpersonal relationships or only in some? Which interpersonal relationship do you find yourself making such statements often? What kind of statements: falsifications, concealments, or equivocations? And what kind of message characteristics: uncertainty and vagueness; nonimmediacy, reticence, and withdrawal; disassociation; and image- and relationship-protecting behavior?

Well, I make equivocations, and reticence at times when I am stuck in a situation that leaves me with no choice and in a situation where I think will harm me if I tell the truth or If I really tell something. Of course, there is nothing wrong in telling the truth. It is even wrong when you lie, but there are really instances in out lives where we have no choice but not to be frank. There are even times when I just don’t comment on something so that I won’t be in harm or give harm to the person.

3. Have you ever been on the receiving end of what you think were deceptive messages? Were you able to spot these messages? How accurate were you in spotting these messages? What tipped you off that the other person was not being truthful? How did that affect your relationship with that person, both in the short- and long-term?

I remember one instance where a friend of mine wasn’t truthful. I think we were talking about our love lives, well about me not having a “love life” at all. I kinda’ asked her why I still didn’t have someone. At first, she was a bit frank, but I but-in in her statement, and I think that made her not tell the truth. Well, I just accepted what she said and we continued with our conversation. While still conversing with her, I knew that that think she said was not true, but because I know that I made her say something that won’t disappoint me and I know what’s really inside of her, I just didn’t mind that she didn’t tell the truth. Our relationship didn’t change.

4. In your experience, either as the sender and/or receiver of interpersonal deceptive messages, would you agree with all or only some of the 18 propositions of David Buller and Judee Burgoon? Explain.

I agree with only some of the 18 proportions of David Buller and Judee Burgoon. The other proportions they mentioned were biased and can’t be applied in my personal experiences in not telling the truth.

5. Would you agree that, as the sender and/or the receiver of interpersonal deceptive messages, you were an active participant (for receivers, you were not just a passive listener even if you did not harbor any suspicions) in the deception? Why or why not?

Yes, I am an active participant in the deception as the sender, and as the receiver especially in the experience I shared in #3. I made my friend not tell me the truth. Of course, it is still my friend’s responsibility to choose whether to tell the truth or not, but she was still stuck in a hard situation.

6. Would you also agree that, as the sender and/or the receiver of interpersonal deceptive messages, you engaged in strategic deception: doing complex mental tasks while simultaneously monitoring nonverbal leakage? Why or why not?

Yes, I agree in that. There’s a big possibility that as a receiver, I may think that I am only deceived, and if I am the sender, I may think of more ways on hiding the truth that can harm my receiver or me.

7. Would you agree that deception is usually successful because of our ”truth bias,” our uncertainty about nonverbal leakage, and the sender’s constant adjustment to our suspicions? Why or why not?

As a receiver, we don’t really judge the sender right away especially if we are close to him/her. We don’t show that sender that we are suspicious. I remember one instance where I know I am already deceived by someone but because that person is my friend and I don’t want our relationship to change, I make her believe that I believe and that she was successful in her deception, but without her knowing, her deception is not really successful. In that case, I was already the one who was deceiving her. I made her believe that I believed her.

8. Would you subscribe to Buller and Burgoon’s complicated theory or to Steven McCormack’s simple model of deception? Why?

I think I would subscribe to Steven McCormack’s simple model of deception because I can very well relate to it. At times, I deceive people, especially friends under a certain circumstance and the deception doesn’t make a difference whether I mean it or not.

9. Do you also agree with Bella DePaulo’s critique that Buller and Burgoon’s theory lacks an “explanatory glue”? Why? If no, what “explanatory glue” would you provide?

I agree with Bella DePaulo’s critique because although David Buller and Judee
Burgoon created a good theory, the theory they made still lack explanation. They lack suggestions about deceiving.

10. In our study of deception, why do you think are communication scholars relatively silent about its moral implications?

I think our communication scholars are silent about deception’s moral implications because not all people can be successful in applying their suggestions. I think we don’t really need those implications on deception because we are truly the ones who are responsible with our actions and we are the one involved in that situation. We can only help ourselves in our deception. We have our own technique in deceiving.

11. Which ethical stand would you require of others: Kant’s, Augustine’s, or Bok’s? How about for yourself?

I would require others and myself Sissela Bok’s stand. I also agree with St. Augustine and Immanuel Kant that lying is really bad, but in my opinion, there are a lot of exemptions to that. In the previous questions, I shared my experiences as a sender of deception and the reasons why I didn’t tell the truth. My reasons were all about circumstances and situations where I have to choice but not to tell the truth so that I won’t bring harm to the person.

Really?! I am like that?! (Expectancy Violations Theory)

My barkada and I love to go to malls during weekends or even after our classes. We eat, and bond. Actually, we eat first, and after that, we stay on that restaurant or fastfood for several hours and just talk and talk and talk about different things. We call this "session". In our session, we share secrets, we share experiences, and most of all, we backbite people. We have been going out for awhile, and there was this one time that we ran out of things to say and people to backbite because we already said all the things we need to say, so we decided to just maybe backbite each other. Sort of a forum thing. There were four of us, and we opened up the things that irritate us or the things we don't like about each other, but in the end, we'll get a chance to defend ourselves. Actually, most of the things went out well. We didn't get into a fight, and we understood one another, but at some point, there were some things that we didn't agree of. We never expected that we were like that and we kept defending ourselves. One of my friends told this other friend that he didn't know how to listen and he always went on his way. So that friend who was told that he was like that reacted and told me that he wasn't like that. He listens to the things his friends say; it's just that he doesn't agree with them. Well, it was a good thing that we didn't start a fight or another backbiting session against each other, but the day after that forum, my friend (who was told that he didn't know how to listen) , asked me again if he really didn't know how to listen. Honestly, I agree with him. He listens, but there are times that it shows that he doesn't because his face will change and he reacts negatively, or it really depends on the situation. He listens naman to what I share like my crushes or my several complaints about things. For him to slow down and forget about it, I told him that he truly listens and I know that because we get to be with each other more often that our friend who told him he doesn't know how to listen. My friend never expected that our other friend would say that. Again, it was a good thing that we didn't get into a fight after that forum. It wasn't only him who didn't expect those things, but also the rest of us. We never expected that we were like that, and everything. Well, that forum was a good routine. Maybe we'll do it every month.....Ü

IGAT EXCLUSIVE!!! (CMM)

My ultimate barkada - we call ourselves IGAT.. hmm.. hehe... This barkada was formed in first year high school and revolved. We added more friends during our next 3 years in high school and until now, we are still very active even though we alreay attend different universities and colleges.


We have this particular language that we know what is going on with the life of one of our barkadas. Well, before that, I wanna share that in our barkada, we have several personalities. There are 2 obits (lesbian), 2 straight boys, 6 straight girls, and 2 not-so-straight boys (in denial stage pa siguro) hahaha.... 4 of our barkada are more particular with their love lives, and even their sex lives, and we all know that. Everytime we bond, it is almost the topic..hehe Anyway, we know that something is going on with a barkada even though he/she didn't say it yet. During our 4+ years of bond, we can really tell, and we also have several expressions that we only do. These expressions are really just common like the looks of our eyes, and the raising of our eyebrows, but there is really something that we only understand.


There are times when people outside our barkada gets left out because he/she doesn't understand what we mean. That was resolved because a girlfriend of one of our barkadas was a bit disappointed because she couldn't understand what our actions mean. She thought we were backbiting her, so our barkada asked us to show her that she was ok as a girlfriend of our barkada for us by also sharing to her what those eyes mean, or we don't want to share it to her, we would just not talk about those secrets by ourselves. In having such exclusive languages, there should be responsibilty among the members who share such languages. We should not use those languages if there's someone outside our barkada. We did very good at it. The girlfriend eventually understood our barkada as we open up more of ourselves to her. She became a part of our barkada.Ü

Lain-Lain akong Gidapit (Assigned blog describing one's self)

I have many friends. You may think that I am the only one who has a lot of friends, but if you only see them all, you would really wonder. I have uncountable friends. Well I have a big barkada when I was in high school, and some of them were my friends since grade school, then I have my friends in YFC, then my kababatas, then my friends in the different band scenes, and of course, my UP friends. Obviously, one of the reasons why I have all these friends is that I am approachable. In our CLE subject in high school, we always have this activity where we pass around this paper with our name in it and let each of our classmates write anything about us. Most of them always write: friendly or approachable.

Being friendly and approachable makes me be close to any new friend I meet. I love being with my friends. I like going out with them, and talking with them on the phone or texting with them for several hours. They love being with me. At the end of the day, they never fail to thank me for spending the day with them.

There are times when my being a good listener is taken advantage. Yes, I enjoy all the things they share to me like their feelings for their boyfriends etc., but sometimes I get bored because they tell me the same things all over again and they tend to overreact over the things. One thing that bugs me most is that they don't give me the chance to talk. It's always them who get to share. That is very unfair on my part, so I talk to them about it and it's a good thing that they listen to me and they learn, although at times slip and do the same things all over again.

This is where I got the notion that I am approachable and a good listener. I think my friends are not wrong. My friends love me for that and that makes me feel really good.